Just don’t like writers groups or workshops.  I’ve tried.  Not for me.  Most start with a “prompt,” which might be a question or a thought or a theme, and then you write about it, whatever comes out of your head.  You might write a page or so and then read it aloud, get some notes from the friendly and insightful leader and participants, and then revise and then read and revise and… well, it’s just like writing, only there are all these people around.  They might like you. They might not. They might think you’re a good writer.  Or not.  Or that you’re better at it than they are.  But probably not.

Oh, sure, I studied literature and writing in college, grad school, and law school. Lots of classes and seminars. And writing.  Some, especially writing workshops or poetry workshops (like a writer’s group, only the leader has a Pulitzer Prize, which is kind of a big thing that says “I know what I’m talkin’ about here) were good for my development. You’d write and read and critique and write… I did all that. Back then, I had to because, well, grades?  And getting a degree.  Writer’s groups don’t have that, although I suppose some of them might have prizes, like a plastic gold medallion, or cookies.

This plant rarely says anything to upset me.

Even writing this blog is like my own little writers group, only better because no one is also writing a blog, here in the room, that I have to read and critique and they read mine and give me feedback.  F&#k that.  I just give myself a prompt every Wednesday at around 10 a.m. (today it was “why I don’t do writers groups” but it never stays on topic. Ever.), and write. And rewrite, and critique and rewrite, and add pictures. Why?  I ask myself this every Wednesday. Because I said I would.

But yes, Kiki is in the room. We both work from home. In the same room.  But she doesn’t bug me while I’m writing this, and in fact, she’s on a business call upstairs as we speak. When she works from home, she WORKS from home!  I mean WORKS!  Me? A lot of coffee (and other) breaks.  But she doesn’t read and critique until AFTER I publish. She might have a note or two, and then I might edit it a little. And she does find most of my typos.  So if you see a mistook in this post, she probably hasn’t ride it yet.

Not to go off-topic, but am I the only one who thinks Attorney Gen. William Barr looks just like HR Pufenstuf?

I’m just making this up as I go along. See what I did there with the typos?  Just thought those words and wrote them down. Or typed them down. That too, just now! I just thought of that. In fact, I’m thinking of each word as I write it and not only that, I’m thinking of you reading the word as I write it. Whoa!  It’s like you’re right here in the room with me, which means you can hear Kiki on a business call upstairs too!  Weird!

Damn! This is surreal.  I’m starting to get a little paranoid that you’re watching me. Stop it. Stop looking at me!

Excellent fun isn’t it? Point is, writing is a solitary activity. Not lonely, even if one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do. Or is it “ever know?” Whatever. You’re alone with your thoughts, and thoughts are very deep. Well, maybe not that deep but there’s a lot in there to keep you busy and not lonely.  I can’t even have music on when I work, unless there are no lyrics to hear or sing along with.

No, I didn’t vote for Al Franken. They didn’t want me to wear this at the polling place until I told them it was a joke.

Now you know. I’m easily distracted.  If I went to a writers group, I wouldn’t get much writing done, though from what I understand, there often is wine involved, which wasn’t the case back when I was taking classes.  We drank after class, almost exclusively.  Now, when I spend the entire day writing, there is no time to drink, and it’s daytime anyway.

Are you still there?  It’s fine, you can watch while I’m writing. That was just kidding, before. This is enjoyable, just to type this out and think about you sitting here listening. And by “you” I mean the general “You.”

How are You feeling these days?  With this corona this and primary free-for-all?  I’m not so good sometimes, which is why we like to go to concerts, to feel good for a couple of hours, but soon we’re going to have to wear Purell suits to go to public events.  Great, right?

These guys kick some serious ass. No Purell was used.

As for this political savagery, have you found yourself being told (not by You, this is everywhere) that you don’t know anything? Or that you’re evil? Or ignorant?  Or stupid?  Or you don’t get or care about people?  Your own people?  Me too. Good times.

That’s probably why I keep writing this thing, because I can get stuff out and feel better. So thank you for reading.  You’re still here and that is appreciated. How do I know you’re still there? Well, you’re still reading this, aren’t you?  Sure, I could write really political blog posts and give unsolicited opinions, but you need anger to survive out there these days, and my body’s allergic to anger.  So no thanks.  I’ll stay in here alone and write.

As for social media, pictures of sunsets, concerts and birds, that’s it for me.  Nothing to defend there.  Also, I don’t have time for it.  I have a book to write, a family to worry about (including Mom up in COVID central, Washington), and a business to run.  And most of the factories are closed in China.  That’s a full plate.

On the bright side, it’s sunny out.  Here, anyway.  I’d ask how’s the weather, but though it’s fun to act like you’re sitting here with me, I’m not yet insane enough (is it okay to use “insane” or am I offending the insane?) to think you can hear my questions and respond.

Oh, it’s raining? That’s too bad. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun.

This is what I do for fun.

So I will continue to keep my vow not to get political (except subtextually, and then, if you think it’s political and ask me, I’ll say it isn’t, so don’t bother), but I am still getting angry, so keep that in mind.  I’m a person, with thoughts, ideas and beliefs built up over decades of life, just like you! Aren’t we great? All of that stuff poured into one individual. Yes, we’re each basically a walking human sausage of ingredients. Tasty! Yay us.

So, what have we learned? For one, I hate people.  No, that’s not it. People are fine. Mostly. But I do like to be alone in a room and write. You’ve learned that sometimes Kiki is in the room, but not all the time. You’ve also learned that she takes business calls upstairs so I can write because I’m easily distracted.

We’ve learned that I’m getting angry, but that’s not really new. I’ve been angry before.  My very child-like strategy is to ignore the very thing that is making me annoyed or angry.  If it lets me.  If it doesn’t let me… Houston, we have a problem.

So that leaves the final thing we’ve learned and that is, be nice or go home. If not, you’ll end up in a long, dumb fight with someone. But not me. I’m ignoring you.  And don’t forget to look out for hidden messages. They are everywhere!  I’m serious!

Have a great week everyone!  Don’t worry, it might be fine!

Leave a Reply